May 19, 2021
Hey, Heifer. It’s 1:00 a.m oops. I’m hanging out with my friends and I’m tired which is ironic because this episode is about striving for a healthier sleep routine. But here we are. Mmm. I can’t tell you how hard it is to write this little paragraph that no one reads after midnight. What’s the point? Who am I? Why don’t I call pancakes flap jacks? Flap jacks sounds way cooler. I’m hungry and I want pancakes. Shit, FLAP JACKS. Okay, I’m off to bed lolol jk I’m still listening to the episode and doing timestamps. This hell will never end.
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00:00 Zzzzzzz I’m not a health professional zzzzz feel free to take a nap during this episode zzzzzzzz.
1:13 I have a negative thought pattern that nighttime is my only chance to be happy and the daytime is EVIL. Thus, I stay up late, ruin my sleep cycle, and end up being even more depressed/anxious during the day.
2:40 Notification Fatigue. The fear of being left “on read.”
5:24 Sleep is one of the biggest influences on my mental health. That knowledge stressed me out so much that I suddenly had alarm anxiety. (“Will my alarm go off?” Jerking awake throughout the night thinking I’ve missed my alarm, etc.).
8:58 I’m a night owl and I adjust way too quickly to staying up until 4 a.m. I’m energized by the idea that no one can interrupt me, flashbacks to secret staying up past my bedtime as a kid to read books by a flashlight, etc.
10:38 Recently, my depression has thrown a wrench in my sleep schedule. Obviously the physical symptoms, but I’ve been ignoring tasks and the stress builds up the longer I put them off (and then I do them and it takes me, like, 15 minutes lol).
12:40 Losing sleep over the idea that I will immediately ruin my morning which will then ruin my day :).
15:30 All of this to say, what happens during my day and my thought patterns greatly affect how I go about my sleep.
18:00 Depression makes me want to do less so my body and brain aren’t getting worked out which means there’s nothing tiring me out.
20:00 Dumb thoughts while staring at the ceiling, like fake arguments and disaster scenarios that aren’t real.
24:00 So now I’ve annoyed myself enough about not sleeping and trying to be healthier that I'm finally taking action lol. Reframing the why helped--I want to wake up to be more productive vs. this is actually more about me not wanting to accept that I have a mental health disorder that will be with me for life.
27:30 Thanks for listening! Lovies to my Patrons: KT & Oti, Vanessa, Rachel, Laura, and Taylor! <3
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I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a resources page on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at https://anguseyetea.com/resources/