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Apr 28, 2021

Hey, Heifer! I’ve been struggling lately. I’m in a depressive episode and on top of that I’ve been agonizing over my future. Like, truly agonizing. I’m pretty sure I’m losing sleep over it. And the main reason why is that I have put so much pressure on myself to figure it all out right now. Or soon. Or really ever. And it feels like I’ll never figure it out, which means I’m afraid to move forward, which means I’m beating myself up for not moving forward, I get paralyzed, etc. etc. etc. Today is a think-out-loud episode about why I do this to myself and ways I can try to navigate these negative thought patterns. Enjoy!



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00:00 Somehow, I recorded this episode without making a single Queen joke.

2:25 I put too much pressure on myself and it’s the main source of my anxiety/depression these days.

4:58 Almost five months into my Life Sabbatical and the pressure is rising (mostly from me). Other things have piled onto this crap heap as time has progressed. Yayy.

11:15 How can I fight those nagging questions my brain asks that put me down? What’s next? Why don’t I have a plan? What am I doing with my life?

15:33 Trying to work backwards on my racing thoughts. If I want to live my life with x, y, and z, then how much do I need to earn? Where do I need to live?

21:46 Riding the waves where I feel EMPOWERED and MIGHTY. Do things with intention. Help my brain realize that, yes, I am doing things! I know I can’t just flip a switch and make my depression disappear, but I’m no longer going to feed into excessive wallowing on top of my depression (or do my best!).

27:55 Thanks for listening! Lovies to my Patrons: KT & Oti, Vanessa, Rachel, Laura, and Taylor! <3


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I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a resources page on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at